Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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