I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
