She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
