I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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