This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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