those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
