I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
