Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
