We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
