Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
