I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
