and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
