6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
