I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Enjoy the penises
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
