His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
