I want to have your abortion
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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