I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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