Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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