some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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