you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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