1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
