why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize