Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
