Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
