So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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