Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
