In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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