I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
