its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
