im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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