Screwed.edu
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
