sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
