also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
