Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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