She went from zero to smokin in five shots
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
