i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
