I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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