found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
