i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
