The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
