@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
