with your own penis?
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
