remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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