im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
