nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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