she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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