I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
