There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
