It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
