I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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