Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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