I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
