He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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