Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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