well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
