I'm so fucking centered right now
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
