I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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