My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
