You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
