They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
