Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize