just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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