speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
