I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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