Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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