She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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