I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize