there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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