i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
