It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He shit in the fireplace
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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