I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No subtext here. People are naked.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
