He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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