oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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