and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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