so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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