I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
