we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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