She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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