So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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