i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
