dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize