so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
