Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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