I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
two words: eviction party
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
