Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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