No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She's the barista slut.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
