When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
