it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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