he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
