see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
