I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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