I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
