trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
honey bunches of taint.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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