trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
