I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
