we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
