This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
