you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
