No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize