Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
