I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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