had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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