I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
