mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
