my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I look better un-naked...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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