You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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