wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
