Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Found your dick twin last night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
